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Year of the Virgin
Another rotation around the sun only to find nothing has changed. By now, you've stopped trying. you know that you're going to be a virgin for the rest of your life. This pledge is nothing new to a pathetic loser like you. The only thing you get to fuck is your hand and you've come to terms with that. Accepting this fate has been crucial to the happiness you feel now. No longer chasing after some unattainable goal, you finally feel at peace with life.